Angry Birds - Bathroom Edition

           So... yesterday afternoon I went to the ladies room in the office, which is a standard bathroom with 2 sinks & 3 stalls.  

           I'm going to digress on this next part, but for PETE'S SAKE... How do you people use those paper toilet liner thingys?  Perhaps they should offer a course, because I have yet to properly master the art of 
1) not ripping the damn thing.  
2) achieving the quick sit before the fucker falls in the toilet.

           At any rate, after finally achieving moderate success on the 4th try, I was going about my business.  I HAD thought I was alone in the bathroom - I'm not one of those feet peekers.  Much to my astonishment midstream I hear the sound effects for Angry Birds coming from the far stall (I was in the nearest).  It scared the bejeezuz out of me and instantly sent me upside down like a possum (while still seated) to get a good look at the shoes of the lazy bitch who is chillin' in the bathroom playing Angry Birds.

           Either I was making too much ruckus with the liners to hear at first, or she thought she'd go into ninja-stealth mode & I would go away quickly.   Her unlucky day I guess, as it took me quite awhile before I could even take a seat.  Either way, at some point she said 'Fuck it', and continued on with her game.

          After burning the image of the shoes into my head, I took my time, thinking - surely she is about to exit and I didn't want it to be an uncomfortable experience for both of us as I had just totally busted her playing Angry Birds on the shitter.  BUT THEN... she started a new game!

            So then I washed my hands without delay & GTFO... certain I would soon solve the mystery of the nutjob playing Angry Birds in the bathroom stall.  I decided to inconspicuously find something to do near the exit & hover until she emerged, but after another 5-10 minutes passed, I started to look stupid and went back to work.  Yet my resolve to solve this mystery was as resolute as ever.  

            I must have done 50 laps around the building all afternoon staring at people's feet trying to find the nutty bitty playing Angry Birds.  I got a lot of exercise, a few weird looks, and very little work done and when I left at the end of the day I was convinced she was STILL in the bathroom... playing Angry Birds.  I get it - work grinds to a slow crawl on Friday afternoons, but REALLY?  A part of me wanted to go tell her it was 5 o'clock & she could go home now, but internally I was truly frightened at the possibility she would actually still be there.  

WHO DOES THAT?

I had several issues with this.
#1) Angry Birds is so 2011.
#2) WTF? No wonder no work gets done in this shithole.
#3) WHO SITS IN THE OFFICE BATHROOM & PLAYS ANGRY BIRDS?

Either way, I will never forget those shoes.  And I'll be watching.