The other day I was shootin' the shit with a few co-workers when the topic of pets came up. So I decided to explain to them how lately my cat has been doing that weird "ass-drag" with back feet in the air thing on the carpet and its driving me mad. One of my co-workers looked at me with a perfectly straight face and said "It's asshole probably itches."
No shit. You don't say?
But since I already blew money taking my breathing ball of fur to the vet only to find out he didn't have worms, I needed to find a way to keep my cat from giving me an artificially plaid carpet.
The co-worker continued, "Its not his fault, its not like it has hands to scratch."
Again. You don't say, Einstein. Your insight is Earth-shattering.
So I turned to them and said "WTF am I supposed to do? Manually scratch his asshole for him in order for him to not use the carpet as an ass-scratcher?"
Their response? "Depends how far you're willing to go, & how nice your carpet is."
I'm sorry but there is no carpet in the world that would make me pick up my cat after a fresh shit and digitally scratch his asshole. NONE. ANYWHERE.
Because the second I turn around if i didn't get the right spot you know that little shit is gonna be sliding across the carpet. And as long as it took to get him to know that is a no-no, he's now hiding to do it so now I imagine invisible shit streaks everywhere. For a germaphobe, it makes life hell.
Fuck my life, my cat, and the imaginary shit stains everywhere.
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